Because it needed to be said...

My heart is aching. I gently press my hand to my chest and feel my heart beating. The thumps are more prominent, forceful, and it hurts. My eyes are watering and I sigh softly. It's heart breaking. The news headlines are flashing with constant updates.

12 dead. 38 injured. Young children involved. Death...injuries...pain...devastation...

I don't know the names of the victims. I don't know their favorite foods, colors, or bands to listen to on a Saturday night. But I know that they were each someone's baby and for that reason, I cry. I am suddenly well aware that I am a mother and I picture my lovely daughter's face.

What if it'd been her? My husband? Someone I loved?... What if it had been me?

As these thoughts push through my mind, my chest feels ready to burst,  and suddenly I begin contemplating about my daily routine. For some reason, I feel a bit more at peace. I wake up, get dressed, pack a lunch if there's time. Walk the bags out to the car and walk back inside. I look through the piles of clean laundry yet to be put away and find an outfit for Sophie. Walk upstairs and into the bedroom. My husband is still sleeping but I give him a kiss and whisper "I love you" before walking into the next room for Sophie. I kneel at her bedside, brush my fingers through her hair and study her beautiful little face before quietly and gently dressing her. Maybe she'll stay asleep long enough to get her in the car. Buckle Sophie into her car seat, tell her "I love you" and finally buckle myself in. Say a quick prayer before backing out of the carport and then it's off to work and the rest of the day. 

I am once again sitting at my desk, feeling this burden, and I have the desire to hold my family for a little while. But another thought crosses my mind. If something happened to me at this very moment, at least one of the last things I did and said were expressions of my love for my husband and daughter.

People are hurting. People are taking the time to think about their relationships and important people in their lives. They want answers to questions about Evil's motives and yet there may be no answer beyond, "Because". Because, Evil has a way of convincing people to give in to the temptations of selfishness and the need to inflict pain.

I've tried and tried to put my frustrations, hurt, and sorrow into the perspective of our eternal hope. I won't lie. It's been difficult and I feel weak that it's one of the last things I want to do. I want justice. I want pain. I feel ashamed that I wish for it, but the want is there. I want someone to pay. But I realize that in this life to come, there is justice, there is mercy, and there is someone--not me, who will carry the burden of deciding the future of the man responsible.

I'm sure the next few days will have a gloomy outlook as we mourn the loss of human life. But I believe that everything happens for a reason, and like many have said, that God wants to give His children better. In the future, God wants to give everyone a better, happier, and more joyful life.

As I write this, my little girl is laughing as she is mercilessly teased by her aunts and uncles. Maybe the sound of genuine content will be enough to lift my spirits in the days to come.  There really are few sounds that bring as much happiness in my life than the sound of my child's laughter. Perhaps we all could stand to find joy in the little things in life that have the power to heal the wounded soul.  And maybe, if you stand in need of a little relief, you can take the time to write out your thoughts. For me, this post is not written to inspire and motivate. It's written simply because it needed to be said.